Lamest fake script ever

So my staff told me about a script that she wrote once at the urgent care centre, and was called a few hours later by the pharmacist. On the script were two legitimate prescriptions, labelled (1) and (2)...... and well ......the patient had put a (3) before the (1) line...(hence, out of order).... and wrote "oxycontite": 40 tabs. In a totally different handwriting.

That was it.

My staff said, "What's oxycontite??"

The pharmacist said, "Beats me..."

Hahaha

Another time she had written a script for 15 tablets and the person tried to make it look like 45. And they used a different colour pen.

What gives? At least put some effort into faking your scripts!!!

Earmuffs

So Dr. Fowler....as crass as he is....proceeds to say the words "shit" and "dick" in a span of 15 seconds in front of a little kid without even stopping to notice. His dad didn't look too impressed. Hahaha he's so funny and so politically incorrect at the same time. Even the white anglo male surgeons cannot escape his wrath.

Speaking of crass. I heard that all of the general surgeons I will be working with next month are very brash and will cut you down just to see if you can handle it. However!!! Get this.....NO call and NO rounding (they actually discourage it as it just serves to slow them down)!!! I've found a goldmine boys and girls! Oh! And since it is about an hour commute, apparently, if it's snowing outside, don't bother coming in. YESSSSS....

Maybe you should just stay at home

Somehow when you see your grandmother across the room from you in the emergency department that it's probably time to go home. I had a patient who was being seen for low back pain and he saw his granny just 5 feet away from him. I'm sure he felt pathetic...pssh...back pain...

So there was this patient in clinic ...19 year old girl who was complaining of groin pain for 2 weeks. She went to student health and they said well it could be appendicitis...maybe not. They told her to go to emerg if it got worse in the next 15 hours. No follow up. So she went to physio the next day and in fact it was her friend who noticed that her right leg veins looked a little more prominent than her left leg veins. Turns out she had a HUGE DVT extending from the common iliac vein to the superficial femoral vein. What a way to get out of an exam....

Hmm....career change?

Went to a varsity hockey game with my sports med doc.....
Went in the staff entrance
Saw some naked guys in the dressing room
I could get used to this

Kidding...

Old School

Working in the sports medicine clinic...and...saw a patient with osteochondritis dessicans. He was scoped back in 1997 and last week his knee locked up on him again. He went to emerg to have some xrays.

Dr. Fowler, a great old-school orthopedic surgeon, took one look at the xray....and all he said was, "Well, fuck."

I love old school surgeons. So crass.

Last week there was a kid who came to the clinic to have an abdominal xray because he was complaining of abdo pain and now shoulder tip pain. He had so much free air in his belly...it was amazing he was still walking. Apparently when he was younger he had a ruptured esophagus....from......yelling too loud at a Metallica concert.

Two weeks ago I saw a patient's xray in emerg...she was at a strip club and she had a coin in her mouth...but was knocked by some....boobs? i dunno what...anyways, she swallowed it. It got stuck just past her epiglottis.....yeah, nurses were looking at that xray all night.

NO offence to internal medicine residents.....

But some of you can be complete ASSES. I don't care if it's a shitty consult. If I consult you, you take the consult. In fact, most of the time it's not even my decision to consult you, it's my staff's. So....don't give me attitude about it. I had to take shitty consults when I was on medicine too.

So, I was doing an overnight shift, 11pm - 7 am, and the internal residents do ER triage shifts as well, where all they do is take consults from emerg. Well....I had finished my shift at 7 am and all I needed to do was to consult medicine for this one patient. At 7:45, I called upon this ass internal resident who looked me in the eye and told me, in not so polite words, that he was too busy to take my consult. What am I? A medical student??? I'm like....but....what??? Did you just reject my consult to my face? Well, I called switchboard only to find out that the next resident doesn't start taking pages until 9 am....WTF!!! I'm not going to wait around 2 hours to consult freakin' medicine.

So, I wait 15 minutes, and then I approach him again. I said, look, all you have to do is to take the name, chief complaint, and the PIN number and just hand it over to your next resident. No? What am I....your bitch?? THEN, his medical student looks at me and says, do you think you could get our patient a warm blanket? What am I??? A nurse???

I said, "No, I don't think I can get one. Why don't you ask someone else."

So anyways, I ended up paging the next resident half an hour before his shift to hand over the consult.

The next night, I had another consult to do, but this time I consulted the same guy at 7:15 am. He said, "Look, we are handing over in 15 minutes, so could you just call back then?" Oh man I was ready to EXPLODE. I said, "Ok, I'm going to wait 15 minutes, and if it's you again I'm giving YOU the consult"......bastard.

So....I actually waited half an hour, and I saw the ass and the next resident on shift walking down the hall. He was telling the new resident that I had a consult and that I was supposed to call back in 15 minutes but that I never did.

BASTARD.

So after all that I consulted the new medicine resident, who was a lot more polite.....and he sent the patient home.

The best part of my month in emerg was....seeing the ass get an earful from one of the female emerg docs about how this was unacceptable behaviour. And the ass was trying to argue with her as well. Asshat.